Back to December
by Drosselmeyer's Ancestor
Summary: Song-fic, kinda drabble. Shizuo and Izaya meet again after a terrible incident between them. Rated T for Swearing. Fluffy. Kinda sad.


_I'm so glad you made time to see me.  
How's life, tell me, how's your family?  
I haven't seen them in a while._

Shizuo sat down in the coffee shop booth, waiting for his long time enemy. And for once not wanting to beat him up.

"Ah, hey, Shizzu-chan." Izaya waved in a way that most people would find lazy, but Shizuo knew automatically that he was nervous. Years of knowing a person tended to do that to you.

"Hey, flea." Sliding into the opposite end of the booth was Izaya.

_You've been good, busier than ever.  
We small talk, work and the weather  
Your guard is up and I know why._

"So, how was America? Everything you thought it would be, with your little brother to watch?" Izaya laughed. Shizuo groaned.

"So, freaking, boring. Kasuka tried to entertain me, but he had to work. And I..." He stopped, unsure how to phrase it without bringing back bitter memories. Izaya gave him a knowing look.

"Shizzu-chan. You don't have to be so kind." Izaya patted his coat, looking at the imaginary dust.

"...Yeah. I know." Still, he thought, how do I say I missed you to you after that?

He thought back.

_Because the last time you saw me will still burn in the back of your mind.  
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die._

"Stupid flea! Get back HERE!" He charged at the man he'd known for over five years. The one that he had been fighting with for over five years.

"Hahaha, yeah right, Shizzuuuuu-chan~!" Izaya ran away and laughed. Laughed as the rain and wind and the noise from the city came around them in one gulp.

"I'VE SERIOUSLY HAD IT WITH YOU, IZAYA!" Shizuo screamed into the bleak night. Where was that flea? Curse his coat.

"You say that EVeRYTimE Shizzu-chan~!" Izaya's laughter rang around him. Shizuo swung his sign around in a beserk. In an abandoned train field, what did it matter if he broke anything?

Izaya swiftly moved, across from one point to another, nicking Shizuo in random places, having his general idea of "fun" as Shizuo got more and more agitated.

"Got you, flea!" Shizuo pinned down Izaya with a swift smack of the sign. Izaya got up, but not quite quick enough. Shizuo had him down; the blond was heavier then the tricky man anyday.

"Neh, Shizzu-chan, you really need to loose some wieght. " He said disdainfully, while struggling.

"Shut it flea. I've seriously had it." Shizuo looked him in the eye.

"You're dying tonight."

Izaya's eyes widened in dismay.

_So this is me swallowing my pride,  
standin' in front of you, sayin' I'm sorry for that night._

Izaya watched, quiet, as Shizuo seemed to fall into deep thought.

Sitting across the table from Shizuo, the ache in his chest coming back.  
Who knew seeing the man who almost killed him, almost murdered him, almost turned him into a cold corpse, and made his life a living hell for the next three years afterwords;

Would make him miss him so much more?

Izaya felt his wounds sting. Unlike Shizuo, who healed rediculously fast, it had taken Izaya a full two years before he was even allowed to be released from the hospital.

Another half a year spent getting his life back together.

And the rest of that year wondering why Shizuo had left, why he hadn't killed him, why everything should've felt RIGHT...

...But instead felt so wrong.

Izaya stared at the grooves of the table, as Shizuo stared out the window.

_And I go back to December all the time._

"Flea, you're dying in the way I know you'll hate." Shizuo walks, Izaya's hands trapped by his wrist, being dragged along.

"Care to enlighten me, Shizzu-chan?" Kicking him wouldn't work, Izaya mused. How else could I escape.

"You'll be enlightened in a minute, flea." Shizuo walked to the end of the tracks. Nearby, there was a cliff, more then 300 yards down.

Shizuo knew that Izaya couldn't survive that easily.

Izaya saw the cliff, he saw Shizuo's movement, and for the first time in his life, he was absolutely terrified. Of Shizuo. Of death.

"Shi...Zuo?" Izaya felt his body falling. He didn't even try to avoid the future. He just let himself fall. He had never...

The idea that Shizuo and him actually would end up killing the other somehow had never truely went into him until that moment.

Izaya didn't want death.  
There was still so much to study, so much to know, so much that he still had planned.

But it looked like he didn't get his say in that matter. Why was the world so creul to all the humans?

_It turns out freedom aint nothin' but missin' you, wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine._

Shizuo watched as Izaya fell. The flea didn't scream on the way down. Instead, there was a look on his face that the monster had never seen.

Betrayal.

Shizuo jumped down the rocks.

He knew he wouldn't be able to break Izaya's fall. But he tried anyways. Tried to beat the gravity pulling Izaya down, trying to save his only enemy, and failing.

There was a loud jumble of crack, after crack, after crack, as Izaya turned into a mass of bones bent in all the wrong directions, and blood seeped through his coat, through his body.

Shizuo couldn't even curse.  
If the flea was dead, he wasn't sure what he would do. But he knew it would be something drastic. Something insane. Something that would get him locked away, so that he'd be contained from the world forever, trapped in his regret.

He looked over Izaya carefully. He caught the very faint sound of breathing. He hoped he hadn't imagined it.

He had no phone. He wouldn't had gotten service anyways. The only option was to either leave his rival, his enemy, behind, or risk injuring more in an attempt to carry him and run to the nearest hospital.

He went for the second choice. He knew Izaya wouldn't make it in the cold wind, the bitter rain. Carefully taking off his shirt, Shizuo wrapped it around the thin body.

He felt his heart stop as he couldn't feel Izaya breathing.

But then there was a rise and fall of his chest. Shizuo sighed in relief. He'd be safe. He'd be okay.

He had to be.

The rocks cracked underneath his feet. The world went by in a blur. Nothing, not the cold or the wind or the rain or the howl of noise from the city, went through.

The hospital was open, although late as it was. Shizuo kicked open the door with all his fear, his foreboding, and screamed for someone to take care of the ice cold, practically dead man in his arms. Nurses and doctors rushed over in a hurry. The poor blond man was covered in blood, and the bundle in his arms seemed to be bent in ways that hadn't seemed possible.

Shizuo let them take Izaya. But only after they had promised to save him. Somehow, Izaya would live. Shizuo was making sure of it.

For the next month, he watched from the window of Izaya's room. Everything that happened to him in there, Shizuo knew.

He was in a coma, but it wasn't one that seemed like it would last long.  
Maybe another two months.  
It was a coma based off all the pain, the doctors said. His body needed the brain to be 'asleep' for a while, as it fixed itself.

Shizuo just nodded. Izaya would've hated to know that his mind was shut off, but he had no choice in that matter.

Everyday, almost every hour, Shizuo watched over him. Celty brought him what he needed. Tom let him have the days off.

Everyone even remotely close to the two knew what this did to them.

...The day Izaya woke up, Shizuo watched him rise from his bed, slowly, gathering what had happened to him.

And then he ran away.

Shizuo, strongest man in Ikebukuro, sturdiest person alive, the most feared, ran away from his enemy.

Just so Izaya couldn't see his face.

He hoped for a miricle. He hoped that Izaya would never remember him. He hoped that somehow, even though Izaya hadn't hit his head much, that he had been forgotten. He had evaporated. He had turned into something that Izaya didn't, wouldn't, couldn't recognize in conciousness.

Celty told him the first words Izaya had said were,  
"Where's Shizuo?"

Not even the nickname.  
The sincerity of those words made Shizuo run further away. To the top.

_I go back to December, turn around and make it alright.  
I go back to December all the time._

The ground was inviting; concrete and cement, a way to end all the guilt and regret and fear and relief that killed him.

But he couldn't do it.

The moment played again, and again.

But he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

_These days I haven't been sleepin'._

The rest of the week, while Celty and Shinra visited the now awake Izaya, Shizuo tried to escape. He tried to sleep, but nightmares kept coming. He tried to smoke, but they always seemed to smolder with visions of Izaya, the face he had made before falling, while falling, and when the fall had ended.

Nothing worked.  
He couldn't stand it.  
He wanted to see Izaya, but he didn't want the feel the change that would obviously had occured around them.

He wanted things back to the way they were, but he was never going to get that, and he knew it.

He called Kasuka.  
_Stayin' up playin' back myself leavin'._

Airports. So loud. So crowded. So annoying.

But he had a ticket, and he was going.

The last straw had been when Celty called him up, telling him to come to Shinra's place.

Both of them thought he should see the flea.

"He misses you, you know?" Shinra sat on his couch, hardly serious. Celty smacked him upright and then typed her words.

"He wants to see you. Says it's very important...You should see him. It would be good for both of you."

Shizuo moved like lightning, and then disappeared with the call of thunder.

_When your birthday passed and I didn't call._

"Type in the code now." Izaya told Kadota from his hospital bed. He'd been awake for a good two months now, and even though he knew already, he had to ask.

Why did Shizuo leave?

Izaya knew that the blond felt guilty. He knew that. He knew that Shizuo had in fact, brought him into this hospital. He had the shirt to prove it.

He knew that part of Shizuo as well as the one who had thrown him, ready to kill, off a cliff.

But he just...He didn't understand.

Shizuo should've been ready. He wasn't the type- Well, he was type to do things without thinking, but not things like this. He always went easy on people, even the ones he said he wanted to kill.

Even on me.

Izaya twitched. He wished his fingers were ready enough to use a keyboard again. He had broken seven of them though. Four on the right and three on the left.

"Okay, wrote the code. Now what." Kadota looked at Izaya.

"Just a simple message will do. Something like, 'Happy Birthday! Even though it's a few days late.'" Izaya gently raised his one good arm in the air and waved it around.

Kadota typed it in. "From?"

Izaya opened his mouth to say, 'Me, obviously', when he realized:

He didn't know how Shizuo would react to that.

And he didn't want Shizuo to end up suiciding. That was something that bastard idiot would do after seeing his name.

"...From you, of course~" Izaya grinned.

Kadota didn't say anything, just typed it. He showed it to Izaya for proof, and then sent the thing off.

He didn't mention the fact that Shizuo knew he couldn't crack codes like Izaya could.

_And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,  
I watched you laughin' from the passenger side and,  
I realized I loved you in the fall._

The next fall was a cold one. Shizuo sneezed. It was warmer, in America, but it was still cold.

He didn't believe, in what had been spring of that year, a few days after his birthday, Kadota had sent Kasuka an e-mail. Saying just the words, 'Happy Birthday!'.

No one knew Kasuka's email. No one could even get to it...Except for one person that Shizuo knew. The one person he hoped had forgotten him...

...Izaya.

Damn that flea and his...Shizuo couldn't feel anger anymore. America had became the change he needed to calm down.

Although thinking of Izaya had brought back memories.

Fighting, constantly. Even back in high school when they couldn't fight as violently. He recalled one where him and Izaya had ended up sharing the prize anyways...

"Give me the damn cone Izaya!"

"Ha, nope, sorry Shizzu-chan~"

"Give it- AGH!" The cone fell out of Izaya's hands, and onto the ground. That's what Shizuo got for accepting Izaya's apology.

"Aww. Darn Shizzu-chan." Izaya sneered, laughing. Shizuo dived for the other cone in his hand. They ended up in a short tussle, all the while the cone being held in Izaya's hands. Shizuo got a bite into it.

"Shizzu-chan!" Izaya pushed Shizuo off. Shizuo wiped his mouth. It wasn't vanilla, but he'd settle for it.

"Shut up flea, you earned it."

Izaya sighed. "That's what I get for trying to be nice to Shizzu-chan!" He licked the cone.

"...I just bit that."

"And?"

Shizuo couldn't believe it. Did that mean that he and Izaya had just...

...Shared an indirect kiss? Shizuo laughed aloud at his memory. Remembered how he had brushed his teeth 20 times a night to make sure nothing, not a trace of Izaya could be there.

Actually, all the things he could remember had Izaya in them, somehow. Except for his distant childhood...

_Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.  
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye._

...But now they could never go back the same way.

_So this is me swallowing my pride, standin' in front of you, sayin' I'm sorry for that night.  
And I go back to December all the time._

Izaya began physical therapy in that winter.

He seemed amazingly fine mentally, for someone who had been through that much.

And he was. He was alive, and honestly, that was all that he needed to know be fine mentally. All that was eating him alive was the thought of Shizuo.

Where WAS he?

Celty knew. Shinra knew. Hell, he bet that Dota-chin knew by now.

But all they had told him was that Shizuo was far. Very far. Was that code for something? Far as in DEAD?

Oh no. No no no. Shizzu-chan couldn't die. Hadn't they promised to kill each other?

Izaya paused as that thought went through his mind.

They had.

But Izaya had only promised it becase he wanted to be near Shizuo.

Being near death once made you admit a lot of thing afterwords.

_It turns out freedom aint nothin' but missin' you, wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine._

Shizuo sighed into the winter-turning-to-spring of America.

He was bored.

He refused to beat anything up. His strength stayed; an extreme fan of Kasuka had gotten several broken bones; but...

...Whenever he beat things it just reminded him of that moment. Where everything had blanked out. Where Izaya had almost...

He shook his head.

Celty e-mailed him often, along with Shinra. The bastard had the audacity to mention Izaya at the end of every damn mail. That was the only reason the stupid flea still lingered in his mind.

That's the way he wanted it anyways.

Bitter, bitter, bitter. Shinra's words kept going round and round his head.

"Oh Shizuo, by the way- Izaya's literally been asking your whereabouts since he got up! Can I tell him? Please? Please? Plea-asdjhflashaaaaa"

The last part, Shizuo presumed, was Celty strangling Shinra. He wasn't sure whether he wanted Izaya to know where he was. He wasn't sure at all. It'd only been a year. Only a year had passed since then.

_I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.  
I go back to December all the time._

No, he decided. He wouldn't even LET the POSSIBILITY of Izaya coming to America happen.

Which, he knew the flea would if he could. Because that's just how they worked.

_I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile,  
So good to me, so right.  
And how you held me in your arms that September night,  
The first time you ever saw me cry._

Izaya missed it.  
Not it, actually. He just missed Shizuo in general. This hospital, the things they made him do, they bored him. Along with the fact that sometimes, excruciating pain came, and he had no one to take it out on, no one to even TALK to.

Namie had actually visited him, once. She had mentioned, rather casually, that she had made his medical records unattainable, his locations a secret, his own home was apparently in the basement of some wineceller, and several other things.

It had made Izaya smile. For just a moment, his smile was a genuine one. One that tended to only be directed at Shizuo, when they were fighting, and the rush came, or at his younger sisters, when he was feeling particularly brotherly. Things like, a person caring about you...It made him feel a bit better.

But it wasn't anything compared to Shizuo and him. That relationship, while always frayed and weathered, always broken and mended; like a shirt for an extremely poor child; was something only they had.

Especially the moments where Shizzu-chan was kind.  
Those were rare, and Izaya loved to bring them up when they happened to be alone and fighting.  
Like the "Chemical and Fire" incident.

"Oi, Shizzu-channnn~" Izaya and Shizuo stood in the middle of there Chem class. They had both been sentenced to punishment.

"What the hell is it, flea." Shizuo growled, clearing test tubes.

"We still have chemicals here~! You're very slow, Shizzu-chan."

Shizuo shot the boy a look. "I bet you're just way too scared that you'll combine them when cleaning them."

"Am not! Look~!" Izaya poured two of the chemicals together, not knowing that they'd combust on the spot. When the loud, 'POOF' had passed, a hole was being burned into Izaya's uniform. And going to get on his skin.

"You stupid flea!" Shizuo screeched, grabbing the vial, which was bubbling over, and threw it into a safety bag.

"Shizu-chan, your hand-" Izaya clutched his arm; it stung but he couldn't imagine how much Shizuo's whole hand felt like.

"Give me your arm flea."

"But-"

"I SAID GIVE IT." Shizuo glared, and Izaya rather unwillingly held out his arm. He had a burn, small as it was, on his wrist. Shizuo sighed, then gave the wrist a very light lick, that sent a shiver down Izaya's seventeen-at-the-time spine.

"What the hell, Shizzu-chan? I coulda done that myself!" Izaya pulled away, not wanting to see Shizuo's face. His eyes had too much innocence in them.

"Well, I did egg you on. So get over it, flea." Shizuo turned around, about to fit the test tubes back into their holder when-

"WHICH ONE OF YOU CAUSED THAT NOISE?" The principal shouted, the door open wide.

"I dd." Shizuo said, rather offhandedly. Izaya gave him a bewildered look. What the hell was up with Shizuo's sense of chivalry.

"Come here then." The principal grabbed Shizuo's arm. "It's apparent that nither of you can work together, so you'll be scrubbing the hallways. He dragged Shizuo out, leaving Izaya to the rest of the Chemistry things.

Izaya watched the door, then looked down at his burn. It still hurt.

So he licked it too.

_Maybe this is wishful thinking,  
probably mindless dreaming,  
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right._

Both remembered the second year of the hell that both of them went through.

However, the first phone call between them, oddly enough, had been started by Shizuo.

He'd had it with America. He'd had it with everything. He was going to end it. Life, guilt, everything. It felt like it was eating him alive.

So he called to say his last words.

And to a bastard like the one he had injured, at that.

"...Hello? I-za-ya Orihara speaking~"

"...Hey, flea."

"..." Izaya held onto his phone, looking at it in complete disbelief. A year and a half passes without seeing Shizzu-chan, and then all of a sudden he CALLS?

"...Flea?"

"Shizzu-chan! Where've you been?" Izaya laughed. Or, he tried. What came out was a croak. "Don't tell me America!"

"...Actually, yeah. That is where I am." Shizuo listened to the stunned silence on the phone. He smirked.

"...WHAT?" Was Izaya's only reaction.

"Ha, just felt like telling you now, flea." Shizuo closed his eyes, a smile playing on his face. Anyone looking from the outside would think he was talking to a loved one, instead of the hated one.

"Why are you in America! Don't tell me you just ran away because of ME!" Izaya wanted to shout. He wanted to scream at Shizuo for leaving him stuck in a hospital without anything to do. Leaving him.

"Actually...That was kinda the reason." Shizuo looked down the rooftop he had positioned himself on. It seemed high enough.

"Well, when are you coming back then, Shizzu-chaaan~? I need something to do! Someone to fight!" Izaya whined. He had a feeling that if anything out of the ordinary was said between them NOW, he would never see Shizuo again.

When are you coming back. Shizuo took those words, and his life clung onto them.

_I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.  
So if the chain is on your door, I understand._

The rest of the time passed.

Shizuo was at the airport again, albeit this time, he was going to Ikebukuro, instead of away.

The first thing he had to do; his life depended on it.

See Izaya.

Since that phone call, they hadn't spoken. Shizuo considered that fine.

But he had to know if they could ever go back to having that relation. That way of killing each other, metaphoricly, but really helping the other get rid of the pains of life.

_This is me swallowing my pride, standin' in front of you, sayin' I'm sorry for that night._

Both Shizuo and Izaya kept staring, hours having gone by in the coffee shop.

"...Izaya."

"What."

"Sorry. For a lot of things."

"...Me too."

The entire conversation was whispered.

_And I go back to December...**because**  
It turns out freedom aint nothin' but missin' you, wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine.  
I go back to December, turn around and make it aright.  
I go back to December turn around and change my own mind.  
I go back to December all the time.  
All the time._

"I just wanted to know...If you were okay. And..." Shizuo felt himself stammer out words, words that he didn't even say in high school to girls that he sort of liked, or girls that liked him.

"...How you feel about me."

Izaya took a look at the older, better tempered Shizuo. The blond dye had faded out, leaving streaks. His eyes still burned with innocence, his body still betrayed his emotions.

Leaning across the table, gently, softly, he kissed him.

"...Shizzu-chan." Izaya got up, and slid into Shizuo's side of the booth. Shizuo scooted over.

"Now, how do you feel about me, Shizuo?" Izaya gave him a playful smirk, a smile.

Shizuo gave the same answer.

Softly kissing, the coffee shop empty save for a couple late night workers, Shizuo and Izaya almost were glad. Glad for an incident that forced them both to think.

And to love.

* * *

This is a very, unique fic for me. O_o I rarely write in this kinda style, I find it clunky. But it's what happened.

I don't really know how coma's work, so I kinda made it up XD; Sorry if I got it wrong.

Don't own these two, sadly! D: Might make an alternate version, but I'm not really sure.


End file.
